Bedtime Stories: Searching for the Scarlet Boat
by Random Guise
Summary: A retelling of the movie "The Hunt for Red October" as a child's bedtime story of some men who wanted to play nice. I don't own any of the characters from the book/movie, but I have stayed overnight in a moored submarine before (USS Pampanito).


**A/N: A retelling of the movie "The Hunt for Red October".**

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Bedtime Stories: Searching for the Scarlet Boat

 _"Daddy, tell me a bedtime story."_

 _Loftus Sparrow looked down at his daughter, whose eleven years had always been full of questions asking what, where and who. "Aren't you a little old for bedtime stories, Survey?"_

 _That was the cue. If her father had said he was too tired or didn't feel well, that would have been the end of the evening. He didn't say no, so it meant yes even if it had to be drawn out of him. Survey didn't think of it in those terms, she just knew they had to play the game the right way to have their Friday night story time._

 _"I'm as young as I can be for someone my age" she stated, already aware of the irony of the statement even though she said it in all seriousness. That's how you played the game. "Besides, it won't take long; I want to hear the story of the scarlet boat." Her father sat down on the edge of the bed and she relaxed, knowing a story was coming._

 _"The scarlet boat story? Are you sure? You had a lot of questions the last time I told it to you" he stated._

 _"Oh yes. I like that one. I'll have less questions this time, I promise."_

 _"Okay, then we'll do that one again..."_

...

Once upon a time there was a captain of a brand new boat that was made in the Soviet Union. The man's name was Ramius, and he and his friends really liked the new boat when they went out to play with it for the first time but they were worried that some of the people back home wouldn't play nice with it.

 _"You mean like hit someone over the head with it?" Survey asked._

 _"Something like that" her father answered._

This worried the friends, so they came up with a plan; the captain and his friends decided to share the boat called the Red October with other people in the world. And because involving too many people makes it hard to plan something special, like a surprise birthday party for instance, they decided to keep it secret until the last moment when they shared the boat with America.

 _"Naturally extrapolating the Communist ideal of group ownership to include those outside their localized political system" Survey noted._

 _"Are you sure you're only eleven? Now let me tell the story" her father admonished._

So after they set sail the captain gave a big hug to the political officer, whose job was to make sure everyone voted on the sub when elections were held. The political officer decided to stop breathing and Ramius took the boat and raced under the ocean toward America. The captain had sent a note to his Soviet boss saying what he was going to do, and his boss sent all the other boats to try and catch up and make sure Ramius had his hair combed and other things like that.

Meanwhile, a man in America named Jack Ryan who knew a lot about boats figured out what Ramius was going to do with the new boat. Ryan was a smart man and he studied to find out that the October had a fantastic invention called a caterpillar drive.

 _"I'm smart enough to know that it wasn't run by lots of caterpillars for real" Survey smiled "but what did it do?"_

 _"Most ships use propellers like on the old airplanes, but this was like a jet engine that scooped up the water and shot it out the back with a quiet_ whooosh _."_

 _"What about all the fish it scooped up?"_

 _"That's not part of the story, now let me continue."_

So with the secret whoosh drive the other ships couldn't find the new boat as it crossed the ocean because they always forget to put in windows to look out and see what's ahead. Ryan wanted to go see the new boat and talk to the captain, so he hitchhiked in a plane full of people talking about throwing up and flew out in the ocean where an American sub was waiting. After he rode a helicopter he realized he was really stinky from the long trip so he went for a swim to wash off before he climbed into the American sub, called the Dallas.

But there was a problem on the new boat, and the whoosh drive stopped and they had to sail the old noisy way. The Americans didn't understand what Ramius was doing and when they heard him they launched a torpedo at the new boat. The captain put stuff in the water to confuse the torpedo called countermeasures…

 _"Propagandized brochures and pamphlets?"_

 _"Actually they were old sales ads from a company that never has the items in stock, so it's about the same thing."_

 _"I hate that."_

 _"Everyone does. So anyway…"_

The countermeasures didn't work and Ramius had to cleverly dodge the torpedo at the last moment. Afterwards they found someone who secretly worked for the boss tried to break the new boat because he didn't want others playing with it.

 _"You mean like when Jimmy Clarkson grabbed my toy xylophone and threw it over the fence when I wouldn't let him play it?" Survey asked._

 _"Depending on whether he really wanted to play it or just wanted you to stop playing, then yes."_

Then the Dallas men went and said hello to the October men by shining flashlights at each other for a bit before they decided to play hide and seek. The October went and hid in a deep part of the ocean, and the Dallas waited and then went to find it. Meanwhile, Ramius thought that everyone needed to get some fresh air so he pretended that there was an emergency and then told everyone to go and play outside and have a picnic or something on top of the boat. An American ship showed up and pretended to be angry with the October, so it left the men floating in rafts while it hid under the waves.

After the Dallas arrived and found the October, the crew decided to celebrate by climbing into the small DSRV and dock with the October underwater.

 _"What does DSRV stand for? I don't remember."_

 _"It stands for Deceptively Simple Plot Rescue Vehicle, but the 'P' is silent."_

 _"Oh."_

The DSRV made its way over to the October, and then the small boat laid down on top of the big boat and filled it with seamen. Well, maybe fill isn't the proper word but some important ones went inside. Things were a little awkward at first, like when you see someone you haven't talked to in a long time and call them the wrong name, but after a while Ramius warmed up (at least as much as a Scotch-Russian character can) and shared the boat with the Americans. Then something terrible happened.

Another Soviet sub showed up, the Konovalov. Its captain Tupolev used to be a student of Ramius, and was probably mad about a bad grade he got or something because he fired a torpedo at the October. Then the three subs started playing a game of tag.

 _"Tag is fun, although I've never played it underwater like that. What happens if you get tagged?"_

 _"You end up feeding the fish."_

 _"Ick."_

So while the subs were playing tag, the secret man who had broken the boat before fired a gun in the October to get the crew's attention before he went to work on a do-it-yourself electrical project he planned. Captain Vasili Borodin canceled his plans to visit Montana, and Ryan stopped the secret man from finishing his project because he didn't have the proper permits filed. Meanwhile, Captain Tupolev and his crew suddenly retired from the Soviet Navy all at the same time. Afterward, everyone sailed away on the October and talked about fishing. The End.

 _"That was a good story, Daddy. I'm glad everyone had a happy ending."_

 _"That's how bedtime stories are supposed to end. Now sweet dreams, and start thinking about what story you want next week."_

 _"Goodnight Daddy."_

 _"Goodnight Survey."_

The End

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 **A/N: I have absolutely no idea why I thought of turning this into a bedtime story, but I starting thinking of how a bedtime story might whitewash and boil down the complex adult story into something more sanitized; so I did and turned it just a little sideways. If you're thinking the names of the father and daughter are just a little odd, they'd probably ring a bell to Harper Lee.  
**


End file.
